11/ 14/ 2016
Let’s talk clothes.
A few weeks ago I went to Target and Old Navy. Spring is nigh upon us and I needed something to wear other than maternity sweaters and leggings. I was so excited to go shopping. You guys, so excited. I feel like this is the first time in my life I have a clear vision of what I want my spring/summer style to be. No “branching out” to hip trends* just because they’re in. I want to stick to what I know I love, what I feel comfortable in and what makes me feel good. I’m at this awkward stage where I’m a size too big for normal sizes but sometimes too small/not built right for the plus size lines. Half of style is having confidence in what you’re wearing and heaven knows I don’t feel confident in half of what those crop-top, fringe vest, flower crowned youths today are wearing. Youths!!!
*Speaking of hip trends, can we make the choker stop? All chokers should have been buried with our 1999 time capsules and left to die.
I started at Target. My ride or die. My one and only. My tried and true. Target killed it with their maternity line last year and I knew their Ava + Viv plus size* line was current and cute. I figured I’d make out like a bandit, get everything I was looking for and call it good after one store. I was wrong. Dead wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many fringed edges in my life.
I bought some press-on nails to help ease the pain and headed over to Old Navy. Anyone who thinks they’re too good for Old Navy needs to get out of the way so I can steal those deals faster. Old Navy is almost always good to me and I am forever grateful for their classic clothes that stay current without being too hip. I tried on shirt after shirt after shirt with little success. Then I thought it would be a good idea to move on to pants. As much as I love and stand by ON, I feel like I need to say, OLD NAVY MAKES THE WORST, LEAST FLATTERING PANTS EVER. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe Old Navy’s factory isn’t able to craft a denim that will cup and cradle and rock my booty as well as Levi’s does. My bottom is not the issue. Three children have not turned it into a potato lump. And I know this because Levi’s delivers. Every time. Levi’s are my apple bottom jeans always and forever.
Back to my story, nothing fit. Shirts were too tight, dresses too short, and jeans too hideous to even consider. So I did what any “emotionally stable” woman five months postpartum would do. I curled up on the dressing room bench and quietly cried until I was red in the face and hyperventilating.
I felt just like I did when I was 11 and swimsuit shopping with my mom. I remember being at Shopko and wanting so badly to get the bright purple, yellow, pink and blue suit from the girls’ section. I remember trying to jump and shimmy my body inside that large. By the time I was 11 I had pre-boobs. You know what I’m talking about – the boobs before your real boobs. The little fatty boobies that chunky babies get that never really seemed to leave my body. So even after I squeezed myself into that large, my chunky baby boobies made it so I needed some extra coverage. That’s what crying in that Old Navy dressing room make me feel like. I was back to being that chubby 11-year old whose pre-boobs were too big to wear a regular girls’ swimsuit but not big enough for a juniors’ suits with padded bra inserts.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about self-love and self-acceptance. If there’s one thing pregnancy and motherhood has taught me, it’s how to love and accept my body as it is. Sure there are things I can do to tone and tighten, but I think it’s crucial to love yourself where you are right NOW instead of 10 or 20 pounds from now. This newfound mentality doesn’t mean I’m immune from crying in dressing rooms. Obviously. But it does help me bounce back quicker and encourages me to keep on searching until I find clothes that help me express how great I feel inside. Because honestly, I feel like a real-life 100 emoji most of the time.
Different season, same issue.
I went back to Old Navy (will I ever learn?!) and cried. Again. But this time I left with so many more clothes that make me feel like the fanciest mom on the block. But instead of making you read more I’ll just link my video. I guess I should probably announce I’m YouTubing now. Which is essentially a glorified version of my snapchat, but it’s fun and I like it and it’s nice to do something for me. H8rz to the left.