09/ 08/ 2016

Nothing and everything but mostly nothing

I’m doing that thing where I ignore the 20 drafts I have waiting for me to finish and starting something fresh. I’m almost too embarrassed to post about the Fourth or our anniversary or my birthday because summer’s over and no one cares. But I care so I guess that has to count for something. One day I’ll get around to posting about Jude and Ezra dressed as Minnie and Mickey for Halloween last year, but today is not the day. Today I’m going to ramble and that’s okay.

I’m at the stage of organizing the house where everything’s a mess because you need to pull it all out before you can put it back together. I remember being able to spell together normally until one day in fourth grade a girl named Carrie told me her mom taught her to break it up. Her mom told her and she told me to spell it “to-get-her” and now whenever I go to spell it I always break it up. Forever ruined from spelling it as one big word thanks to Carrie and her mom. It should be noted Carrie and her mom were very nice people, but breaking up a big word I could successfully spell into three little words feels like a failure to me.

It’s kind of silly what we think of as failure, isn’t it? At the end of the day everyone can be fed and happy and asleep but I’ll feel awful for our hodgepodge dinner of EZ-Mac and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Pasta for the kids and cereal for the adults. I’m not dumb enough to give them a bowl of straight sugar right before bedtime. Not saying you’re dumb if you do give your kids sugar bowls right before dinner, I’m just saying what works for me. But sometimes they sneak really long sips from Cory’s mug of DDP right before dinner. I guess we’re all dumb when it comes to parenting.

Zeke’s napping right now and I’m watching him on the monitor. He’s longer than the width of the crib and has to curl into a ball in order to fit. Please note, width is the hamburger measuring method. Not the hot dog. He is not longer than the length of the crib. My (almost!!) nine-month-old is not a giant. Even though he’s not a giant-giant, he’s still huge. He’s the first baby I’ve had who will be the baby the longest. He doesn’t have a sibling on the horizon ready to steal the spotlight. I find my heart breaking with each milestone he hits because I know how fast it all goes and I want to keep him little forever. If I’m this bad with him I can only imagine how dramatic I’ll be with our last.

Like I said, Zeke’s napping. It’s his third one of the day because, like me, he’s sick. Angel, my angel mother-in-law, has Jude and Ezra today. Zeke had an appointment to check on his helmet so she offered to watch the kids all day so we could get some rest. I promised Cory I wouldn’t do any cleaning and I haven’t, but it’s hard to just let my body rest. I should probably take a nap but it’s almost four o’clock and I know I’d just regret it in the long run. I’d regret it like I regret not getting a Big Mac on my way home from the doctor’s. Do you guys remember Big Mac Monday? When they were basically giving away Big Mac’s for free? I was in Jr. High and didn’t understand how truly amazing that was. *Cue Big Yellow Taxi while I cry over all the Big Macs that could have been*

Well this was fun. And a good reminder to me that it’s okay to write about nothing so long as it means I’m writing again. I better get off the couch and save myself before this pile of tissues turns into a mountain and I’m buried alive by my own snot. Forgive me for the visual. I regretted it as soon as I wrote it but I won’t erase it because if I have to live with that disgusting thought forever, I’m taking you down with me. No need to thank me.

xoxo.
Gossip Girl



One response to “Nothing and everything but mostly nothing”

  1. PAOLA says:

    I was shocked to see how NO ONE commented on this! I want you to know that although I don’t always have time to comment your blog is one I intentionally seek out and catch up on on a regular basis. I love you mija. And I LOVE reading your thoughts. You inspire me to want to write more, or again, or at all. I miss it as well. Don’t feel bad about the mac n cheese. I’m one of those, “it’s Trix for dinner” parents. And I’ve actually been in a purging phase lately too, but I feel like I can never finish ANY project I start. A.NY. So just know you’re not alone and that putting yourself on blast makes me feel like I’m not alone in this ca-ray-ze journey called motherhood.

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