09/ 07/ 2016

I’m v sick and v into bitmoji’s rn.

I’ve been in this mom game long enough to say things like, “It should be illegal for mom’s to get sick!” It’s useless at this point. I’ve learned that kids will always have more energy and mom’s will always be tired and we’ll always get sick at the most inconvenient times. I remember having strep two weeks before we found out I was pregnant with Zeke. Jude was 16 months, Zeke was 4 months, I was secretly pregnant and dying. It was the worst kind of double whammy.

I find myself in a similar situation today. It’s not strep and I’m not pregnant (REPEAT: I AM NOT PREGNANT), but I am sick and tired and my voice has moved past that perfect sick rasp right into drag-queen territory. Even though my kids are great, my patience is short when I’m sick and having to feed and take care of three needy humans is the last thing I want to do. All I want is a service where someone comes to my house and takes care of my kids and makes me ramen and cleans my house and does my laundry and keeps my water bottle filled. I’ve never wanted to be a Kardashian more than right now.

Can you imagine how glamorous their sick days are? Kim with a mountain of pillows and made from scratch ramen. She can lie in bed all day because Kanye’s installed a TV in their ceiling so she only has to move when she’s eating or needs to use the restroom. She still has her glam team come in but only has them do a natural no make-up, make-up look with perfectly curled “bedhead.” What a dream.

While I can’t recover like a Kardashian, I can try to channel their sick-day look in my camo joggers and one of those half-up sumo buns. Now if only I could channel Mother Teresa’s patience… Mostly because yelling tickles my ears which triggers a cough which makes my throat worse which turns my voice more froggy than draggy. Like I said, I’m too smart to wish I never got sick but I’m definitely not smart enough to not complain about it.

bitcollage

This is literally how I felt when I read through this post. I’m so dramatic and whiny but I don’t even care because I’m DYING OVER HERE. PEOPLE.

 



One response to “I’m v sick and v into bitmoji’s rn.”

  1. kylie says:

    UGH so sorry you’re not well…but i’m glad i’m not the only one who is POSITIVE that the celebs have TVs on their ceilings…like dentists, but BETTER.

    xoxoxoxoxo get better sooooooon

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